Perfectly Imperfect

In my next several postings I would like to continue to share some very powerful and insightful passages from Bishop Gene Robinson's book (cited in the previous post). For today's reflection I offer Bishop Robinson's own citation of an excerpt from a book by John Fortunato, a gay Episcopalian who suffered rejection and misunderstanding when he and his partner became one of the first couples to seek recognition of their union in the 1980s.

In his narrative, John describes a powerful encounter he had with God, in which he experienced a sense of healing, affirmation and empowerment even in the midst of his suffering. As John relates it, the key to this experience was in learning to forgive those who had wronged him and love them, even when they did not love him back. Following is a partial excerpt of this section of the book, where God suggests how we might love those who hurt us:

“…[Y]ou must also speak your pain and affirm the wholeness I’ve made you to be when they assail it. You must protest when you are treated as less than a child of mine. You must go out and teach them. Help them to know of their dependence on me for all they really are, and of their helplessness without me…And assure them by word and work and example that my love is boundless, and that I am with them always.”
“You know they won’t listen to me,” I said with resignation. “They’ll despise me. They’ll call me a heretic and laugh me to scorn. They’ll persecute and torment me. They’ll try to destroy me. You know they will, don’t you.”
[God’s] radiant face saddened.
And then God said softly, “Oh, yes. How well I know.”
Then two strong, motherly arms reached out and drew me close to the bosom of all that is. And I was just there. Just being. Enveloped in being. And we wept. For joy.

John E. Fortunato, Embracing the Exile: Healing Journeys of Gay Christians (New York: Seabury, 1982), 15-16, 126-27.

To me, the insights born of this powerful moment of communion with God are particularly important. Of course, Christians are called to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. However, that does not mean we can't at the same time speak the truth of our own dignity and remind others that, despite what they might think, neither they nor anyone else is unassailably righteous before God. Rather, none of us is perfect and each and every one of us needs God's grace and mercy to heal our woundedness and brokenness.

If anything, for me being gay and acknowledging that fact has brought me back in touch with a fundamental reality - that I'm not and can never be 'perfect' according to any of the standards religious institutions sometimes place upon us, some of which can shift and evolve over time. Rather, I am loved by the God of infinite compassion, goodness, and mercy and called and empowered to live a life of love based in that fundamental reality. Today I may be judged a sinner guilty of an 'intrinsically disordered' orientation toward 'objective evil,' but in several decades the judgment on me could well change. In that case, despite all that hard work I might well have engaged in to try to 'tow the line,' in the end I would have been trying to change or manage something that was not evil at all and in the process might then be rightly accused of some other fault - perhaps not loving or serving others as much as I could have precisely because I was so wrapped up in being 'perfect.'

In other words, even if I place absolute faith in the infallibility of a particular religious institution and attempt to live up to its mandates with total perfection, not only do I put myself at risk of having labored needlessly should that institution's position someday change - more importantly, I miss entirely the most important point of all: that no matter how hard I try, whatever the area of my life I might be trying to perfect, I'll never fully get there - I'll never achieve total perfection.

For that reason, it seems to me that if there are areas of our lives where church teaching and our lived experience seem to conflict, the answer can't be to automatically, unreflectively obey and conform. Rather, as in the example cited above, authentic, prayerful discernment must happen, where we allow God to speak and we come into contact once more with an essential truth: that God loves us, is with us, and wants us to live in the peace and freedom that can empower us to live lives of love and service to others.

In the end, the point really isn't so much to be perfect. Rather, it is to understand at the core of our being that we are loved as we are - that who we are deep down inside is someone who can be loved and embraced by God. Once we realize this, we're set free to love and serve, not out of fear or obligation to be 'perfect' but simply in the freedom that becomes ours as God's beloved children.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Bishop Desmund Tutu

Although I haven't had much time to blog lately I would like to share a quotes from a powerful book I just finished reading, In the Eye of the Storm, by Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop ordained in the Episcopal Church. For today I'd like to share a short excerpt from the forward by Bishop Desmund Tutu, a renowned voice for human rights who worked tirelessly to end the regime of apartheid in South Africa.

For Bishop Tutu as for many others in the church who understand the LGBT struggle for rights and equality, this is an issue of justice - one that will not be resolved until justice is served. Crucially, Bishop Tutu also emphasizes the critical point that discrimination against LGBT in the church punishes a group of people for something they have no control over - namely, their sexual orientation. This is a cruel injustice that must stop if the Good News of God's love is to ring out again in our time for all to hear. As Bishop Tutu so aptly puts it,

“Many of us were engaged in the anti-apartheid struggle. Apartheid, crassly racist, sought to penalize people for something about which they could do nothing—their ethnicity, their skin color...I joined the many who campaigned against an injustice that the church tolerated in its ranks when women were not alowed to be ordained. They were being penalized for something about which they could do nothing, their gender...I could not stand by while people were being penalized again for something about which they could do nothing—their sexual orientation. I am humbled and honored to stand shoulder to shoulder with those who seek to end this egregious wrong inflicted on God’s children.” (In the Eye of the Storm, Gene Robinson, New York: Seabury Books, 2008, xiii-xiv).

Peace,

Padre Chuck