Perfectly Imperfect

In my next several postings I would like to continue to share some very powerful and insightful passages from Bishop Gene Robinson's book (cited in the previous post). For today's reflection I offer Bishop Robinson's own citation of an excerpt from a book by John Fortunato, a gay Episcopalian who suffered rejection and misunderstanding when he and his partner became one of the first couples to seek recognition of their union in the 1980s.

In his narrative, John describes a powerful encounter he had with God, in which he experienced a sense of healing, affirmation and empowerment even in the midst of his suffering. As John relates it, the key to this experience was in learning to forgive those who had wronged him and love them, even when they did not love him back. Following is a partial excerpt of this section of the book, where God suggests how we might love those who hurt us:

“…[Y]ou must also speak your pain and affirm the wholeness I’ve made you to be when they assail it. You must protest when you are treated as less than a child of mine. You must go out and teach them. Help them to know of their dependence on me for all they really are, and of their helplessness without me…And assure them by word and work and example that my love is boundless, and that I am with them always.”
“You know they won’t listen to me,” I said with resignation. “They’ll despise me. They’ll call me a heretic and laugh me to scorn. They’ll persecute and torment me. They’ll try to destroy me. You know they will, don’t you.”
[God’s] radiant face saddened.
And then God said softly, “Oh, yes. How well I know.”
Then two strong, motherly arms reached out and drew me close to the bosom of all that is. And I was just there. Just being. Enveloped in being. And we wept. For joy.

John E. Fortunato, Embracing the Exile: Healing Journeys of Gay Christians (New York: Seabury, 1982), 15-16, 126-27.

To me, the insights born of this powerful moment of communion with God are particularly important. Of course, Christians are called to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. However, that does not mean we can't at the same time speak the truth of our own dignity and remind others that, despite what they might think, neither they nor anyone else is unassailably righteous before God. Rather, none of us is perfect and each and every one of us needs God's grace and mercy to heal our woundedness and brokenness.

If anything, for me being gay and acknowledging that fact has brought me back in touch with a fundamental reality - that I'm not and can never be 'perfect' according to any of the standards religious institutions sometimes place upon us, some of which can shift and evolve over time. Rather, I am loved by the God of infinite compassion, goodness, and mercy and called and empowered to live a life of love based in that fundamental reality. Today I may be judged a sinner guilty of an 'intrinsically disordered' orientation toward 'objective evil,' but in several decades the judgment on me could well change. In that case, despite all that hard work I might well have engaged in to try to 'tow the line,' in the end I would have been trying to change or manage something that was not evil at all and in the process might then be rightly accused of some other fault - perhaps not loving or serving others as much as I could have precisely because I was so wrapped up in being 'perfect.'

In other words, even if I place absolute faith in the infallibility of a particular religious institution and attempt to live up to its mandates with total perfection, not only do I put myself at risk of having labored needlessly should that institution's position someday change - more importantly, I miss entirely the most important point of all: that no matter how hard I try, whatever the area of my life I might be trying to perfect, I'll never fully get there - I'll never achieve total perfection.

For that reason, it seems to me that if there are areas of our lives where church teaching and our lived experience seem to conflict, the answer can't be to automatically, unreflectively obey and conform. Rather, as in the example cited above, authentic, prayerful discernment must happen, where we allow God to speak and we come into contact once more with an essential truth: that God loves us, is with us, and wants us to live in the peace and freedom that can empower us to live lives of love and service to others.

In the end, the point really isn't so much to be perfect. Rather, it is to understand at the core of our being that we are loved as we are - that who we are deep down inside is someone who can be loved and embraced by God. Once we realize this, we're set free to love and serve, not out of fear or obligation to be 'perfect' but simply in the freedom that becomes ours as God's beloved children.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Bishop Desmund Tutu

Although I haven't had much time to blog lately I would like to share a quotes from a powerful book I just finished reading, In the Eye of the Storm, by Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay bishop ordained in the Episcopal Church. For today I'd like to share a short excerpt from the forward by Bishop Desmund Tutu, a renowned voice for human rights who worked tirelessly to end the regime of apartheid in South Africa.

For Bishop Tutu as for many others in the church who understand the LGBT struggle for rights and equality, this is an issue of justice - one that will not be resolved until justice is served. Crucially, Bishop Tutu also emphasizes the critical point that discrimination against LGBT in the church punishes a group of people for something they have no control over - namely, their sexual orientation. This is a cruel injustice that must stop if the Good News of God's love is to ring out again in our time for all to hear. As Bishop Tutu so aptly puts it,

“Many of us were engaged in the anti-apartheid struggle. Apartheid, crassly racist, sought to penalize people for something about which they could do nothing—their ethnicity, their skin color...I joined the many who campaigned against an injustice that the church tolerated in its ranks when women were not alowed to be ordained. They were being penalized for something about which they could do nothing, their gender...I could not stand by while people were being penalized again for something about which they could do nothing—their sexual orientation. I am humbled and honored to stand shoulder to shoulder with those who seek to end this egregious wrong inflicted on God’s children.” (In the Eye of the Storm, Gene Robinson, New York: Seabury Books, 2008, xiii-xiv).

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Other Sheep

This past weekend I had the privilege of meeting several leaders of an exciting organization, Other Sheep. Designed to be a resource for faith and spirituality for the LGBT community, Other Sheep is a hopeful sign that the good news of God's love for all people is starting to reach our community in creative and exciting new ways.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

What the Bible Says

Though I've posted before about the Bible and some of the ways it's been misrepresented and misused against the LGBT community, I though it might be helpful to share another good resource, What the Bible Says and Doesn't Say About Homosexuality. This short essay does a very effective job of demonstrating how the Bible in fact has nothing to say in condemnation of LGBT people and for that reason I hope it's a useful resource for anyone who might feel they wish to support the community but are still unsure of what the Bible says on this issue.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

The Meaning of Matthew

I can't recommend highly enough a recent book, The Meaning of Mathew, by Judy Shepard, the mother of Matthew Shepard, a young college student who was brutally murdered 11 years ago in Wyoming simply because he was gay. Judy's book shares Matthew's story in a profoundly moving way, simply sharing who Matthew was to her and her family and how some degree of good and hope has come from this tragedy through The Matthew Shepard Foundation, which Judy and her family set up to work for justice and equality for the LGBT community and an end to hate and prejudice.

I highly recommend this book as a way to understand the struggles the LGBT community has gone through in the last decade and the promise and hope we feel for the future despite the sadnesses and tragedies that have occurred in our community.

Finally, I share the above video from the Ellen DeGeneres show as an example of the work of advocacy that Judy Shepard has been engaged in since her son's death. Like Ellen, I too started to cry as I realized just how tragic this story is and yet also how much good has come from tragedy through the courage and witness of people like Judy Shepard.

With prayers for peace and an end to hate,
Padre Chuck

Matthew Shepard Act

This past week marked the historical signing into law in the U.S. of theMatthew Shepard Act, a historic step forward in the ongoing fight for LGBT rights and dignity. Although there is still much hatred and prejudice still to be overcome, for me at least it's a sign of hope that our legislators and president have finally come around to making it a crime to commit acts of hatred like those perpetrated against Matthew Shepard and many others.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

Infallible No More

Just a couple brief comments (it's really not worthy of much more of anyone's attention than that) on a forthcoming statement by the U.S. Catholic bishops on same-sex marriage.

First of all, if anything I'd actually say that, from the perspective of the LGBT community, this statement can be taken as a hopeful sign - not, of course, insofar as it perpetuates stereotypes and negative attitudes towards our community, but rather as a sign that we're winning this fight. If we weren't doing the work we're doing to fight for equality in our churches and places of worship and the public sphere then the bishops wouldn't feel threatened and wouldn't have sensed the need to defend their position. But they have and that in itself is an indication of how far we've come along the way to winning the place in the social and religious spheres that is ours as children of God.

My second comment is more personal. Although my journey to this conclusion has been in the works for many years now, I think it finally took the proverbial 'last straw' of the release of this statement this past week at last to help me articulate for myself what I believe - namely, that despite their at times desperate pleas to the contrary, neither the Pope, nor the Roman Catholic bishops nor any other religious, civic or any other kind of authority is completely infallible. Participating myself as an official in that system for so many years, I really believed that if the bishops said it, well then it must be true. It's taken many years for God to break through that illusion that I held, but I'm grateful to say that I stand now today as someone who believes profoundly in the goodness and love and presence in our world of the God who is with us but am also so much more aware of how fallible - how human, really - our leaders and of course all of us really are. Having the privilege to spend time studying the history of the Roman church as an institution hasn't hurt in helping me come to this conclusion either, but above all it was really during this past week that it just kind of all finally made sense. The Roman Catholic bishops, like some of their predecessors in the past and any number of other examples from other traditions and past situations, simply have not yet found a way to open their eyes to the truth that's all around them - namely, that God blesses loving same-sex relationships and is using them to bless the world. Their inability to see this is unfortunate for them and, tragically, has very grave consequences for those members of their flocks who believe these men are totally infallible and thus think that they must systematically deny who they really are and/or reject their family members and friends who don't conform to the official line or who feel emboldened in their prejudicial attitudes and justified in physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually abusing or even killing those who are different.

This is a deeply tragic situation that affects not only the Roman Catholic Church but any number of other religious groups and our society as a whole. However, if there's a glimmer of hope anywhere in this story, perhaps it's to be found in the first point I brought up: though it's taken decades of hard work and will likely require many more years of non-violent action, in the end the more we speak truth to power (about this and any other issue of justice in our society and our world) the more we carve a space for ourselves as members of the human race and dignified children of God. Some of the powers that be may lag far behind and persist in their stubborn close-mindedness up to the bitter end, but by our very rising up, by our refusal to be trod down anymore, by our persistence despite all the odds that God really does love us as we are, we create the change we hope for and we prepare a better world for those who will come after us.

None of us is infallible and none of us gets to escape being human and all the beauty and the messiness that that entails. And even when some of our leaders fall under the illusion that they are somehow above the rest of us, my hope is that we won't lose heart - that we'll allow God to help pick us up, dust us off, and move forward again in the path toward the integral freedom and peace that are ours as children of our Creator.

Peace and blessings,
Padre Chuck

Continuing the Struggle for Equality

The next few weeks will be crucial in two states, Washington and Maine, as supporters and opponents of marriage equality gather forces and work toward upcoming votes at the beginning of November. It's sad to me that these fights even need to happen but I've also been encouraged to see people coming together in both states and nationwide to fight to maintain equality for same-sex couples. May God bless their efforts and encourage and strengthen all of us in the fight for human rights and equality.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

When Gay People Get Married

One of the tired, groundless, and unscientific arguments often dusted off as a means of sowing fear about LGBT rights involves the supposed conclusion that if gay people are allowed to marry then suddenly straight people will no longer want to commit to each other and society will self-destruct. Of course, as is readily apparent if one simply steps back to reflect for a moment, this argument is based essentially on fear and has nothing to do with intelligent reflection on this issue.

Thankfully, a new study, When Gay People Get Married, has just been published that refutes arguments such as this one in the best possible way: not through counter-attack or impassioned name-calling but simply through rigorous, scholarly study. As the author M. V. Lee Badgett shows, in fact when LGBT people get married they do so for many of the same reasons that straight people do - probably most of all simply because they love each other and want to seal that love in a way that's meaningful for them. And, as it turns out, the statistics show that allowing LGBT people to marry has had no visible effect on straight people, more of whom now appear to be getting married for other reasons.

Personally, I'm grateful for this book as it provides those of us working for change in society and religious groups with a reliable study with which to further strengthen our arguments in favor of marriage equality. However, above all else, my hope is that the examples of love, humanity, compassion, and kindness that many LGBT people live out in their daily lives will continue to touch and change hearts around them, helping bring greater freedom and peace to our communities.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

Working for Human Rights in Latin America

I came across the following article recently on the struggle in Argentina for recognition of LGBT rights. Living in Mexico this year, it's been inspiring to see how women and men here are standing up for themselves and their communities and claiming their rights. There's still so much to do but each small victory is a step along the way to equality and full dignity for all.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

Dos gringos en México

This past Friday I had the opportunity to attend a workshop here in Mexico City offered by the well-known U.S. evangelical preacher and author Max Lucado. I was invited by the Bible study group I attend weekly and thought that it might be a good opportunity to go out together as a group and perhaps learn something at the workshop as well. I'm pretty sure Pastor Lucado and I were the only non-Mexicans there and it was quite interesting to witness the enthusiasm of the audience for this tall, English-speaking preacher from Texas.

Researching and learning a little more about Max Lucado in preparing to attend, I was saddened to learn that unfortunately he seems to be a leading, vocal opponent of same-sex marriage in the U.S. As the following article from his website demonstrates, Max Lucado and many other religious leaders like him continue to live in fear of what it might look like to change their views and contemplate life in ways a little different from what they're used to.

Let me be clear. I actually found much of what Max Lucado said in his presentation to be quite helpful. His topic was "living without fear" and he had some great ideas, among them meditating with the image of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemani and taking inspiration from Christ's approach to confronting fear in his own life. Nevertheless, what struck me as highly ironic was that even as Pastor Lucado preached to us about overcoming fear, it was abundantly clear that he still has a great deal of ground to cover in transcending the fear that clearly operates in his approach to those who are different.

Others might offer a different take or explanation, but I think the reality of the situation is actually quite simple. Pastor Lucado, and others like him, are in many cases people of good will who genuinely want to serve God and often do important work of ministry in the church. Their sincerity and desire to serve are admirable, as are many of the ways they're able to reach out to those who have not yet found meaning and purpose in their lives. However, where these figures often get held up is precisely in attempting to defend their work. Rather than trusting in God, I believe these individuals sincerely think that the foundation, success, and perhaps even the very existence of the good they're able to do is predicated on maintaining the validity of their particular reading of Scripture. In other words, in the case of same-sex marriage for example, Max Lucado and others seem to believe that if their own reading of the Genesis creation story, or Soddom and Gomorrah, or Leviticus is not absolutely correct then the entire edifice of their work will collapse and all will be lost.

This, I believe, is the attitude that exists behind the rhetoric around "protecting marriage" and "defending family values." What's unfortunate, however, is that such attitudes actually indulge in the very same tendencies that give in to fear, which Max Lucado himself warned against in his talk. According to Pastor Lucado, fear is when you think the world is out of control. You then respond to that fear either by escaping into destructive behavior or attempting to control the world and your surroundings. However, he made the point that this latter attitude only makes us tyrants and hard to live with and in fact leads to harmful consequences. Pastor Lucado then went on to point out that no fewer than 21 times in the Gospels does Jesus command us not to be afraid, and that we are called to trust in Jesus and remember that God is greater than our fears. Tragically, many Christians and other religious people, including Pastor Lucado, have still have not fully grasped their own message, often precisely with the harmful and destructive consequences for others that Pastor Lucado refers to.

To be fair, if we're honest probably all of us need to hear this news repeatedly throughout our lives. We're never done with the task of overcoming our fears and learning to trust in God. My only wish is that those who claim to speak in God's name would examine their own lives from time to time and recognize their own weaknesses and susceptibility to fear. Perhaps if this happened more often ministers such as Max Lucado, while continuing to do God's work, would also find the courage within to break free from tired conceptions about Scripture and allow God to guide them to new understandings.

In the end, perhaps what all of us fear the most but what is most essential for us to understand is that, like Jesus, overcoming fear and truly living in trust will mean there will some dying to do along the way before we come to the resurrection and the new life and hope and promise that await us on the other side of our fears.

Peace and blessings,

Padre Chuck

Another Compelling Testimony

This additional video testimony from a family in Maine demonstrates the importance to real people and real families of preserving marriage equality where it's already legal and continuing to fight for it elsewhere.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

Keeping Equality in Maine

Unfortunately I haven't had as much time to blog lately as I would like but I did want to include this video from the organization, Protect Maine Equality, which is working to defeat Proposition 1 in Maine. As in California last year, forces of fear and ignorance are once again trying to take away hard-won rights in our community. However, hopefully the people of Maine will do the right thing and preserve marriage equality in their state.

This particular testimonial, from a parent, testifies to the power of love within families. I'm convinced that the more stories such as these are told the more hearts and minds will be changed and freedom and equality for LGBT people will continue to move forward.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

Some Reflections from Mexico

Today marks the end of my first month of research in Mexico City. So far I've been having a great time, spending the first two weeks with my husband enjoying the sights and starting my work and the past two weeks doing full-time research at the archives. I've also been fortunate to have found a Bible study and Sunday worship community where I feel at home and fully accepted and welcomed.

As encouraging as it's been to find these communities, however, it's also been staggering to realize how deeply ingrained so much homophobia is in the culture around me. Of course a different version of the same fear pervades U.S. society as well, but for me it's particularly saddening to see so many people here caught up in this same fear in many cases precisely because of the church in which they were raised. As someone who still considers himself to be Catholic in the universal sense, it's hard to see so many people hear the message of God's love in the Roman Catholic Church but also imbibe the message of intolerance for LGBT people inherent in some of the Church's official teachings. This is reflected both in general attitudes I've seen on the part of many toward LGBT people but also assumptions LGBT people make about themselves - that they're somehow disordered; that they just barely have a right to exist; that they are second-class citizens at best. There are hopeful signs that these attitudes are being overcome but it truly does seem to be a case of the light shining in the darkness.

No easy answers but something I've been wrestling with is how we who believe in Christ and in God's unconditional, inclusive love can work within the churches where we find ourselves to promote tolerance and dissipate irrational fear. I'm not sure any one church has the answer, but I am convinced more and more each day that we can't just sit back anymore and let things go unquestioned. Each of us is called to witness to God's goodness, compassion, and mercy in our lives in whatever ways we're reasonably able to do so. Of course this doesn't always directly involve LGBT liberation but I think the more we truly live out of a belief that, in spite of the shadows of crass inhumanity, greed, selfishness and corruption that often surround us, compassion and loving-kindness truly are at the heart of the universe, the more we'll naturally pass on the gift of authentic liberation and peace to those around us.

Peace and blessings,

Padre Chuck

A Hopeful Sign

Yesterday I and many other others in the LGBT community were overjoyed to hear the news that the ELCA, the largest Lutheran organization in the U.S. had voted to permit committed, lifelong relationships for LGBT clergy.

This is truly a historic step, one that I am confident will not only allow pastors to serve in open recognition of their committed relationships but will also serve as a sign of hope for young people and those still living in the closet. I'm convinced that the more the church recognizes the full dignity of its LGBT daughters and sons the more it will help those same women and men to find hope and meaning in their lives. Although there is still much work to be done, this is an encouraging step and one that hopefully other churches and religious organizations will follow in the future.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

New Friends

It's been a while since I last wrote an entry but I wanted to share some of my experiences so far in Mexico City. The first two weeks of my stay were wonderful as my husband Adolfo was able to be with me and we had the opportunity to explore the city, sightsee and also make new friends.

One of the highlights of our time together has been getting to know some of the local options for churches that are welcoming toward the LGBT community. Although there are still only a small number of churches that are welcoming, we were glad to find two groups that feel like home away from home for now. I've included the websites for both below. Although they're in Spanish, hopefully at least the Spirit if not the full literal meaning of the message of these groups will come across.

Grupo Emaus
Iglesia de la Reconciliación

I will have more reflections on both these groups in the coming weeks but wanted to at least share this brief update for now.

Blessings and peace,
Padre Chuck

A New Adventure Begins

Just this past weekend I arrived with my husband in Mexico City for the beginning of my research. I'll be here for about a year doing work toward my doctorate in Mexican History and am looking forward to the adventure. I'll still be writing entires for my blog but they may be a little more intermittent, at least for the first few weeks as I settle in.

Looking forward to continuing to reflect in this space as I embark on this new journey.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

A True Exodus

For today's reflection I'd like to share the story of Darlene Bogle, a former leader of Exodus International, a group dedicated to the "conversion" of LGBT women and men to the purportedly normative heterosexual paradigm of sexual and gender identity. Thankfully, witnesses like Darlene demonstrate with their lives the truth of the wondrous diversity of God's creation - that as children of God we're called to live a life that glorifies our Creator as we become fully alive in our bodies, minds, souls, and spirits.

Below is a quote from Darlene and her website is also well worth checking out.

"Now it's been twelve years since I've been out of Exodus Ministry, but I don't know anybody that was involved in my ministry who's still going strong as a heterosexual. And I think what happens is that you can want to please and be accepted by God so much that you choose not to act out behaviorly, but then that gets confused with, are you really healed or are you just so dead inside that it takes an act of God, really, to ignite your soul - to make you realize that he created us to be warm, loving human beings."

Darlene Bogle
Former Exodus leader, quoted in film God and Gays: Bridging the Gap

Blessings,

Padre Chuck

Some Good News

For today's posting I'd like to share an encouraging article about a recent meeting of leaders in the Episcopal church. Hopefully similar movement toward equality and inclusion will happen within other denominations soon as we continue to move toward ending prejudice and discrimination in our churches and places of worship.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Telling Our Stories

This moving story shows how important it is to realize LGBT people are human - are people like everyone else. We're people who are flawed and broken just like everyone else but also people who have a deep hunger and longing to know and love God and to do so in a way that doesn't violate our dignity as God's beloved children by attempting to stifle or deny who we really are.

May this story and others like it continue to change hearts and minds as we each walk the path of love and service of God and neighbor we're called to in our lives.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Going to the Source

For today's reflection I'd like to share a compelling video interview with Rodney Powell, a pioneer not only in the LGBT movement but also in the fight for equality for African-Americans in the 1950s and 60s. The video and the following brief biography of Powell are provided by Soulforce, an interdenominational religious organization dedicated to eradicating violence and prejudice through non-violent action:

"Rodney Powell is a gay, African American, who has lived in Hawaii since 1976 with his partner of 30 years. While a medical student at Meharry Medical College in Nashville, Tennessee during the years 1957-61, as a student protest leader in the African American Civil Rights Movement, Rodney had the privilege and honor to learn and apply the philosophy and strategies of love and nonviolence under the guidance of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and other dedicated ministers of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference" (Source: http://www.soulforce.org/article/rodney-powell-video).

As Rodney Powell says, we need to get to the source of much of the prejudice directed against LGBT people - namely, the misuse of scripture and religious belief in the service of intolerance and bigotry. Only as we each stand up in the ways we feel called to and speak the truth in love will this situation begin to change in our communities, our churches and places of worship, and our world.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

Lt. Dan Choi

Though there are issues beyond just marriage and the military in the LGBT movement, it is important to point out and work against blatant injustices as they occur. Unfortunately this is the case for Lt. Dan Choi, a West Point graduate who was removed from the army recently simply for being gay. As Lt. Choi points out, this type of gross injustice is not only deeply wrong but in fact also harmful to morale and generally bad policy. As this story shows, there's still much work to do and we'll keep doing that work until we have justice - both for Lt. Choi and so many of his colleagues and also in so many other areas of our society, country, and communities.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Beyond Marriage and the Military, Part II

Continuation of video segment from previous post.

Beyond Marriage and the Military

This video clip illustrates some of the ways in which the LGBT movement transcends just the two issues (marriage and the military) most frequently associated with it in the mainstream press. Although these issues continue to be crucial, it is also important to remember that the movement for justice and liberation is broader than just these two concerns and encompasses all who are oppressed by the systemic injustices in our society, country, and unfortunately sometimes in our churches and places of worship as well.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

Outrage

The movie trailer I've included today comes from the recent documentary Outrage, an important contribution to the ongoing conversation in the U.S. over LGBT rights. Tragically, as this film demonstrates, many of the individuals who most vocally oppose liberation for LGBT people are themselves closeted and trapped in destructive patterns of self-hate. May God's Spirit move in all of us to keep opening the doors of closets and renewing our spirits.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Commitment and Love

As this story of one of the first same-sex couples to be married last year in California demonstrates, marriage really does make a difference. Separate is truly not equal and the fight for justice and equality goes on. What inspires me most, however, is the testimony and witness of couples like this - ordinary individuals who are just trying to live out their commitment to their spouses and families and contribute to the good of society.

Blessings,

Padre Chuck

Further Reflections

In my entry from a couple days ago I shared some excerpts from an article by Luke Timothy Johnson on the role of human experience in helping the church discern how it is called to adapt the truth of the Gospel to each new age - holding to what is constant and unchanging and at the same time remaining open enough to allow the Spirit to move.

Although this point is a crucial one and has important implications for the work of freeing LGBT people in the church, I would like also to point out that even Scripture itself is not clear in its purported condemnation of homosexuality. Though Johnson seems reticent in his article to acknowledge this point, it is not at all clear that even the most seemingly condemnatory passages in Scripture have any relevance at all for what we know today as loving, monogamous same-sex relationships. The ancient Hebrew people as well as St. Paul and his contemporaries all participated in cultures different in many ways from our own- cultures in which, for example, one of the common experiences of homosexuality would have been pagan temple prostitution. Since this is clearly no longer the sole context of homosexuality in our own time, attempting to apply biblical sanctions and prohibitions to loving, committed same-sex relationships today is incongruous at best.

My essential point, then, is that we need not rely solely on our own human experience or even on Scripture alone. Rather, as thinking women and men of faith we can discern for ourselves, both individually and collectively, the truth that all of us are gifted with the sexuality we find at the deepest core of our being and called to live it responsibly and generously on behalf of others. This requires sacrifice and sometimes bearing our cross (ironically one not infrequently imposed upon us by leaders and members of the very church that should be our home and refuge) but when done courageously and generously it has the potential to transform our world into a foretaste of God's reign.

Blessings,

Padre Chuck

Scripture and Experience

For today's reflection I've included a few excerpts from an excellent article by the eminent scripture scholar and author Luke Timothy Johnson. Though Johnson offers many important insights for our consideration, what stood out for me is the point he makes about the role of human experience in helping the church to adapt the truth of the Gospel to the realities and needs of each new generation. Just as eventually it was no longer tenable to defend the institution of slavery by citing the Bible (despite the fact that the Bible clearly favors slavery in a number of passages), so too in our own time we're witnessing the gradual awakening of the community of believers in Christ to the fact that the Bible cannot legitimately be invoked in opposition to loving, committed same-sex partnerships or marriages.

May God's Spirit bless us all and quicken our own spirits in the non-violent fight we continue to wage for equality, justice, and the Good News of the Gospel for all God's beloved children.

Peace,

Padre Chuck


Commonweal Magazine
June 15, 2007 / Volume CXXXIV, Number 12

"Scripture & Experience" (excerpts)
Luke Timothy Johnson

Many of us who stand for the full recognition of gay and lesbian persons within the Christian communion find ourselves in a position similar to that of the early abolitionists-and of the early advocates for women’s full and equal roles in church and society. We are fully aware of the weight of scriptural evidence pointing away from our position, yet place our trust in the power of the living God to reveal as powerfully through personal experience and testimony as through written texts. To justify this trust, we invoke the basic Pauline principle that the Spirit gives life but the letter kills (2 Corinthians 3:6). And if the letter of Scripture cannot find room for the activity of the living God in the transformation of human lives, then trust and obedience must be paid to the living God rather than to the words of Scripture.

For me this is no theoretical or academic position, but rather a passionate conviction. It is one many of us have come to through personal struggle, and for some, real suffering. In my case, I trusted that God was at work in the life of one of my four daughters, who struggled against bigotry to claim her sexual identity as a lesbian. I trusted God was at work in the life she shares with her partner-a long-lasting and fruitful marriage dedicated to the care of others, and one that has borne fruit in a wonderful little girl who is among my and my wife’s dear grandchildren. I also trusted the many stories of students and friends whose life witnessed to a deep faith in God but whose bodies moved sexually in ways different from the way my own did. And finally I began to appreciate the ways in which my own former attitudes and language had helped to create a world where family, friends, and students were treated cruelly.

These are significant recognitions, ones that arise from hard-fought daily experience. It is extraordinarily important, however, that those of us who base our convictions on experience do not make the category of experience a form of cheap grace, as though whatever feels good is morally acceptable. By “experience” we do not mean every idiosyncratic or impulsive expression of human desire. We refer rather to those profound stories of bondage and freedom, longing and love, shared by thousands of persons over many centuries and across many cultures, that help define them as human. The church cannot say “yes” to what the New Testament calls porneia (“sexual immorality”); but the church must say yes to the witness of lives that build the holiness of the church.

That They Might Be One

Continuing to reflect on what it means to be part of the catholic church - whether in full communion with Rome or not - I'd like to share an insight from the late Pope John Paul II. In his 1995 encyclical Ut unum sint (That They Might Be One), John Paul takes up one of the central themes of his pontificate: ecumenical dialogue and reconciliation. Though firm in his belief in the ministry of the papacy, the late pope expresses some openness to the possibility of re-visioning the structure and nature of the papal office. For example, at one point John Paul invites, "church leaders and their theologians to engage with me in a patient and fraternal dialogue on this subject in which, leaving useless controversies behind, we could listen to one another, keeping before us only the will of Christ for his church" (96).

Though sadly John Paul was never able in his lifetime to grasp what many other women and men of sincere faith and conscience believe is the imperative of the Gospel to set God's lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender daughters and sons free to live fully their human dignity, I believe he did at least sense the need for a new vision of the way power and authority are exercised in the church. Rather than the often monarchical and rigidly hierarchical current model of church leadership in many places, what is needed is space for the church to continue to preach the Good News in each new generation, according to the needs of each time and place.

Although, of course, there is always need for caution and prudence as we move forward, there is likewise the imperative that comes to us from Christ himself to make the Gospel - the good news of salvation - heard again in our day (Matthew 28:19). Tragically, refusal on the part of many church leaders to set LGBT people free is just one example of how the command to preach the Good News has, in our own time, found itself frustrated and hampered precisely by the church structures that exist to promote the Gospel. Without doubt, new visions are needed in order that Christ's command to share God's love with all might come alive again in our time. For this reason, it is vitally important that the larger church - the community of disciples of Christ among the various denominations and traditions within Christianity - take up John Paul's challenge to enter into respectful dialogue and conversation and look for ways together to communicate the Good News again in our own time.

One further implication of what John Paul said deserves some attention. It appears quite clear that the pope was right to call the broader church community to dialogue over new ways to envision leadership and authority in the church. However, in the meantime, until and unless the pope, Roman Catholic bishops, bishops in other denominations, and other church leaders truly undertake what John Paul suggested, progress will be difficult if not impossible to make. This conversation and the necessary changes that will flow from it will not be easy, but at the same time they are vitally important if the message of God's love we have received from Christ himself is to continue to reach human hearts in our own day.

A further corollary of the pope's ideas relates to Christians who find themselves in church communities that do not reflect what they sincerely in conscience know to be the truth of God's love for all. Precisely because the type of church John Paul calls us to is not yet present, individuals and communities are under no obligation to stay formally within communities that discriminate against or oppress them. In other words, if John Paul's call for openness to new models of church authority was both sincere on his part and commendable from an evaluative standpoint, both of which seem clearly to be true, then it follows logically that until the new models of church authority the pope envisions emerge no one is under any binding obligation to submit to ecclesiastical authorities that would attempt to tell them their sexual attractions and the noble longings for transcendence, care for others, and sharing with God in the nurturing and promoting of life that go with them - an essential part of their being - are disordered, shameful, sinful, unnatural, or wrong. This kind of church authority, the kind that unmindfully restates doctrine without sincere consideration of the witness and experience of the prayer, scholarship, and human experience of the community - this authority is precisely the kind that must be brought into conformity once more with the demands of the Gospel, lest the Good News of God's love for all be lost amid the scandal of a church manifestly motivated more by fear than by faith, hope, or love.

For that reason, whether Roman Catholic, Lutheran, Methodist, Episcopalian, or of whatever other denomination - believers have no obligation whatsoever to obey unjust church laws or rules that only thwart the potential witness of the Gospel. Rather, as women and men charged with the imperative - in fact the moral obligation - to share the Good News, it is our sacred duty to stand up for what is right and to refuse to obey orders that can, have, and continue to frustrate the spread of the Good News.

In each of our individual lives this may look different - some of us may remain in a denomination that officially preaches discrimination because we believe God is calling us to help effect healing from within. Others may discern in conscience that we are called to worship outside the community in which we were raised in the hopes of promoting true unity through witness to the priority of the Gospel. Whatever the case may be in each of our lives, what unties us all is in fact essentially what John Paul stated in his encyclical - the knowledge that we are all called to unity in Christ and that it is God who will guide us to our goal.

May God's Spirit bless the church abundantly with gifts of courage, grace, fortitude, determination, and hope as we venture forward, confident of God's love for us and unflagging in our expectation of the gift of true unity, based in the authentic charity that roots out all fear, which God alone can give.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

Where Can I Go?

This testimony testifies to the experience of many Christians - whether Catholic, Lutheran, Episcopalian or from many other denominations. What's common to many of these stories is the tragic sense of rejection many feel in the church - the very place that should be a spiritual home and oasis for all, most especially those who are marginalized in our society. May the hopes that Pastor Susan expresses here be realized soon as more and more people awaken to the beautiful truth of God's love for all of us, whatever our sexual orientation, gender identity, nationality, or background.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Fighting for Families

Here is another example of a loving family adversely affected by the lack of marriage equality in California and the United States in general. I continue to pray that tolerance, understanding, and open-mindedness will prevail over fear and prejudice in all of our lives and that the powerful witness of love lived out in stories such as this might continue to touch and change hearts and minds.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Why Marriage Matters

Here's another excellent example of why separate but equal is just as problematic and untenable for the LGBT community as it was during the civil rights era a generation ago. As this loving couple's testimony demonstrates, being married really does make a difference - sometimes one of life and death. God grant us all the wisdom to overcome our prejudices and fears and help liberate those who are oppressed by situations like these in our society.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Outside the Walls

Today I'd like to reflect on a metaphor that’s come to mind lately. I’ll explain in more detail below, but it relates to the Basilica of St. Paul Outside the Walls, one of the four major basilicas of Rome and a sacred site from the earliest years of Christianity.

As I've suggested previously, there is more than one way to be "catholic" within "the church." Many people associate both of those terms with the Roman Catholic Church, and not without reason since the Roman church has a reasonable claim on participating in the living tradition of the community of believers in Christ and the orthodox faith that's been passed down to us from our ancestors in the faith.

Nevertheless, there are other ways of thinking about being "catholic" that don't necessarily always require full communion with Rome as it currently understands itself. As has been the case since the beginning of Christianity, there have been times when followers of Christ have needed to stand up to Peter and his successors and call them to fidelity to the Gospel. For example, St. Paul himself shares his experience of doing just that in his letter to the Galatians. Here, Paul actually challenges Peter "to his face" and calls him to desist from the cowardice he had demonstrated in refusing to break bread with uncircumcised fellow believers. Paul rightly reprimands Peter and calls him to proclaim once more the freedom and inclusiveness of the Gospel message.

Any number of other historical examples could be cited, but in our own time we have come to a moment collectively as a church when it is time once more to challenge Peter’s obstinacy. The current pope, Benedict XVI, both in his papacy and previously in his work as head of the Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, has proved intractable in his refusal even to enter into the conversation that is needed around recognizing the full dignity of women and men who do not fit into rigid metaphors of heterosexual normativity. As a result, the church's children continue to suffer discrimination and oppression within both the church and cultures and societies that see in the Vatican's silence or outright negativity toward LGBT people a convenient pretext for perpetuating situations, institutions, and attitudes of intolerance and violence against those who are different.

For that reason, those of us who have the capacity to see the reality of this situation are called to pray and to work together for justice. We may stay officially in the Roman Catholic Church and discern ways to work for change from within. Or, we may determine through prayer and appropriate consideration that we are called to remain catholic and yet remove ourselves to a degree from the harmful pronouncements made against us by some church authorities. In doing so, those who choose this path do not necessarily betray the essential faith of the ancient church but in fact may be part of building it back up again. Only time will tell in the end, but all each of can do is discern through prayer and consultation with trusted friends in the faith, and ultimately our own consciences, what we’re called to do in our lifetime.

It’s now, then, that I come to the metaphor proposed at the beginning of this reflection. Thinking spatially about some of these points, perhaps one way to understand what we’re doing as catholic people of faith trying to stand up for LGBT dignity in the church is something akin to the geographical layout of the four major basilicas of Rome (St. Peter’s, St. John Lateran, St. Mary Major, and St. Paul Outside the Walls). The major basilicas are some of the most important churches in the world – sacred places of remembrance and tradition, most of them located within the walls of the ancient city of Rome. However, there is one of these major basilicas, St. Paul Outside the Walls, which lies just outside the walls. Symbolically for me this church feels like my home now – a place to preserve my faith and yet also inhabit a space “outside the walls” of a church authority manifestly bent on my spiritual diminishment; a place to stand in solidarity with the women and men, from St. Paul, the Basilica’s patron and namesake, down to our own present time, who continue to feel compelled in conscience to work for change in the church - to make it a dignified home for the children of God once more.

In that spirit I’d like to share a link to the Vatican’s website, with its own history of this Basilica. As the site points out, Pope Benedict himself has declared the Basilica a place of prayer for ecumenical healing and unity and in that same spirit I too pray that all of us may work for authentic unity in the church, standing up for what is right, praying for guidance, and remaining humble and open to God’s Spirit as together we heed Christ’s command to love one another as he has loved us.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

A Gospel Moment

This testimony speaks to the powerful potential we each possess to serve as instruments of healing and blessing for those who have been hurt or marginalized in our communities. As this story demonstrates, the healing we share is not our own but comes from the God who has loved us into being and wants to help us find peace, hope, and joy in our lives.

Padre Chuck

Indwelling Spirit

For today's blog entry I'd actually like to make a recommendation of another blog. Earlier this year I had the good fortune to meet Pastor Dan Hooper and his husband Carl and have enjoyed getting to know them and learn from them as I continue to follow my own call to ministry. Pastor Dan is a Lutheran pastor in the Los Angeles area and blogs on a variety of topics. Especially lately he's been interested in thinking about what it means to be catholic in the broader church community - a topic I've also been reflecting on and hope to continue to think about in this space.

Here is Pastor Dan's blog:

http://indwellingspirit.org

I thank Pastor Dan for his willingness to allow me to share his blog with my readers and I look forward to continuing to collaborate together in ministry and reflection.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

What's At Stake

For today's reflection I'd like to share an excerpt from a recent editorial by Troy May, the editor of one of our local LGBT publications, On Magazine, here in the Bay Area. Although there's much that can be said about the ideas he shares, what stands out for me is the story he relates of what it's like for many LGBT people as we mature. Often we don't have clear role models and therefore both act out in unhealthy ways and feel that we need to hide who we are for fear of the misguided prejudices of society and some religious institutions.

Thankfully this situation is beginning gradually to change in our time. Marriage equality is a reality now in a number of countries and U.S. states and some churches and religious groups are starting to recognize the full dignity of LGBT people. However, whether we have this recognition and support or not, I think the crucial point both for ourselves and for the larger community (whether supportive or not) is that we will not back down. Whether or not we're recognized and receive justice we will continue to fight for equality. With or without the permission and blessing of religious groups or society we will build healthy, fulfilling lives that give back to the community and lend purpose and meaning to our own journeys.

This may sound a bit harsh but the reality is that even the gains we've made so far would never have happened unless those who've gone before us had had the courage to come out of the closet and stand up for what's right - often at the cost of their reputations, their standing in their families and religious traditions, and even their lives.

The price of staying in the closet and continuing to pretend is just too high - both for ourselves and others - in the toll it takes on our bodies, minds, and spirits. Now, for many of us (myself included) there are times when it's still prudent not to be fully "out," but insofar as we feel called to and our consciences direct us, it strikes me that the more willing we are to come out the more good we'll be able to accomplish both for ourselves and others. The more we affirm and celebrate who we really are the more others will have greater and greater difficulty denying that we're here, we're not going anywhere and we're ready to claim our birthright as beloved children of the God who has loved us into being.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

From Troy May (Editor, On Magazine)
May, 2009
www.onbayarea.com

Gay men are often jaded as they
grow older because of bad experiences
as young teenagers dealing with same-gender
attraction in a world filled with
homophobia. I can’t speak for women, but
for guys, many of us would sneak around
as teenagers, messing around with other
boys and never speaking a word about our
experiences.

Everything about our sexuality was
hush-hush, depriving us of experiencing
love and sex in an open environment like
most heterosexual teenagers. Instead, we
were scared to death to tell a soul that we
not only had an attraction for the same
gender but that we actually had acted on it.
Even our sex partners didn’t want to discuss
it, creating a feeling of loneliness which,
in my opinion, is one of the worse human
emotions.

During these key developmental years
our sexual dysfunction sets in, lasting into
adult life until we seek help to stop reliving
old patterns of sneaking around looking
for sex, feeling shame about our gayness,
and creating lives that lack emotional
attachment to one another.

There are so many of my gay brothers
that I want to hug, hold, and look in the
eye. Then I’d tell them they can have a
more fulfilling sexual and intimate life with
another person. But to do so they’ll need
to break away from dysfunctional patterns
and remember that today we have choices
we never had before to live open, safe, and
loving lives as gay men and women.

To love someone else we have to start
with working on ourselves, stop blaming
others, take an honest inventory of our
own hang-ups that are keeping us from
respectful relationships, get a good mental
health therapist, and start the hard work.
This process will dredge up old feelings
you’ve spent a lifetime ignoring. But, if you
stay the course and do the work, once you
reach the other side of what can be a nasty
trip over a putrid lake, you’ll be a much
happier person.

Passing On Our Faith

In addition to my own continuing reflections on the church, I'd also like to introduce a series of video testimonies that touch on the sort of church or community of faith we wish to leave to our daughters and sons in the faith.

The context for many of the videos I'll be sharing is an upcoming vote later this summer by the ELCA (Evangelical Lutheran Church in America), one of the most prominent voices for peace and social justice within the broader Christian church but one that till now has yet to fully recognize the dignity of the LGBT community.

As this testimony by Jeremy Posadas demonstrates, what many of us are longing for is a church that those who follow us in the faith deserve - one in which young people can grow up and be affirmed as they are and thereby empowered to share live fully the Christian life.

Blessings,

Padre Chuck

Praying for Peace

I was deeply saddened today to read in the news about a shooting this morning in a Kansas church. Although the shooting victim, Dr. George Tiller, was an abortion provider and therefore someone whose medical practices not all might be in agreement with, nevertheless, no matter what our feelings on this or any issue, it strikes me that violence is not the answer.

In fact, if those who were responsible for this attack were really trying to promote the sanctity of life, how can they justify the taking of another life in the process? As opponents of the death penalty have put it before: how does it make sense to kill someone in order to show that killing someone is wrong?

It strikes me that above all, on the issues of abortion, the death penalty, and so many others, what we need more than anything else is a strategy of non-violence, no matter what our individual convictions or feelings on each issue. We need to recommit ourselves to listening to our own consciences but also to not dehumanizing those we might differ with and above all not resorting to violence in the service of our convictions.

As we each continue to follow the voice of our consciences, may God's Spirit guide us to find common ground and recognition of our mutual humanity as we strive to make our world a more humane, just, and peace-filled place for all.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

We Won't Back Down

Yesterday in California we experienced the sadness of learning that the State Supreme Court has decided to uphold Proposition 8 and its language of fear and ignorance toward same-sex couples. Some day those individuals and institutions who supported this misguided initiative will look back with regret and sorrow at their inability to open their minds and hearts and the harm and destruction they continue to leave in their wake.

Nevertheless, in the meantime, as long as these attitudes persist, those of us who have the ability to know and see the truth of the matter have the responsibility to keep fighting and keep making our stories known. As Dr. Mel White, founder of Soulforce has said, if it takes years, if it takes decades, if it takes a hundred years or more, we will not give up until we help our all our sisters and brothers know that it's okay for all of God's beloved children to be who they are and to love and be loved in a committed relationship that serves the good of both families and society. Until that time we will keep fighting nonviolently each and every day, letting God's goodness touch our hearts and transform us more and more into witnesses of love, peace, and hope for our churches and places of worship, our communities, our society, and our world.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Proud to Be Catholic

In today's and some forthcoming posts I'd like to begin reflecting a little on what it means to be part of "the Church." Although this is of course a complex theological topic that we could spend many weeks on and still not cover fully, I would like to think about it a little in this space in the next few posts.

For those of us who are Christian believers, our spiritual ancestry can be traced all the way back to the first Christians and the original disciples and apostles who first followed Jesus and proclaimed their faith in him as Christ. From the beginning, there has always been a place for pastoral leadership in this community of disciples, including authoritative meetings of those charged with discerning together important doctrinal and moral issues such as the nature of Christ and the doctrine of the Trinity, among many others. This leadership plays an important role in helping individuals and communities to follow Christ in ways that both honor the teachings of Christ and adapt them to the needs of each successive age.

Nevertheless, the history of the community of believers has also been marked by some division among leaders and also between leaders and communities or individuals. At times these disputes have centered around doctrinal issues and at times they've also represented more personal disputes that have less to do with teachings or beliefs. What's clear, however, is that there have been times in the history of this community of those who follow Christ when some of the community's leaders have needed to be challenged or even openly defied when their refusal to open their hearts to the work of the Spirit endangers the spiritual good of those placed in their care.

Many examples of this phenomenon are available from history and I'll be referring to a few in coming posts. However, what I'd like to emphasize today are two words often associated with the community of believers and its leaders: "Catholic" and "Church." Although we often refer in contemporary usage to the "Catholic Church" and mean the Roman Catholic Church, what these two words actually refer to is the universality of the church or community of believers - those now living and those who have gone before us. Therefore, when we refer to belief in the "one, holy, catholic, and apostolic church" in statements of Christian belief, we refer most essentially to the universal community of believers, not so much to any one ecclesiastical body.

Now of course ideally the entire community of believers or church would be fully, visibly united under one set of leaders. This is one of the central claims of the Roman Catholic Church - that all believers should submit fully to its spiritual, moral, and doctrinal guidance since it is the successor of the authority of St. Peter, the first among the apostles. And, while understandable and even perhaps ideal in some senses, history has shown that not all believers in Christ are able in conscience to fully submit to the authority of Rome due to issues of conscience that arise from time to time. For these individuals and communities, until and unless Rome and the successors of Peter prove willing to listen and enter into constructive dialogue over a number of significant concerns, it is not possible to submit fully to their authority.

For that reason, for myself and others who consider themselves Catholic, it is not necessary to submit fully to the authority of Rome as Rome conceives it. Rather, it is possible to remain Catholic and participate in either a Roman Catholic or other local church community without necessarily needing to submit to everything that the Roman Catholic Church teaches. In other words, it's possible to be both Catholic (universal) and participate in the Church (the body of Christian believers dating back to Christ) without necessarily having to submit fully to teachings (such as those on women's ordination or same-sex partnerships, among others) that in conscience one knows to be misguided and spiritually harmful.

Once again, I've probably written too much but I did want to at least present this topic in an introductory way. I will continue to offer some further considerations in forthcoming posts and look forward to hearing from anyone who might have questions, concerns, disagreements, commendations or any other considerations.

Peace and blessings,

Padre Chuck

Grateful to Be Here

In my postings from yesterday I wanted to share a little more about how I understand my journey these past few years. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not perfect and, in trying to live up to what I thought was the ideal of religious perfection, I actually ended up doing harm to myself and disappointing some people in my life who thought of me within the terms I'd set up for myself.

However, what I also want to make clear is that despite the regret I feel for not coming out to myself earlier and being more honest with both myself and others about who I really am nevertheless I am grateful to have been ordained and called to serve. In the mystery of God's providence I believe that God did indeed call me to serve in ordained ministry and still does. It certainly hasn't worked out the way I or most others I'm sure would have expected but nonetheless I'm confident, both from my own personal conviction and through some of the ways that others continue to express support for my ministry, that I'm still called to serve. I'm still discerning how that will look eventually but for now I'm happy to be where I'm at - studying, serving in ministry in different ways in the local community and of course as well through the vocation to marriage that I know I have also received.

As always, I thank any readers who are still with me for your patience and support and look forward in forthcoming posts to thinking a little more about the specific topic of ministry and the church.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

Willing to Make Mistakes

Continuing with the thread of my previous entry, I'd like to acknowledge here again for myself and others that I am not perfect. I once thought I could achieve perfection and aspired to just that - attempting to please and remain in total harmony with everyone.

However, the problem with that mindset was ultimately that it did a great deal of violence to myself. Attempting to be "perfect," I wasn't able to acknowledge the truth about myself - that I am gay and that that's true whether anyone else likes it or not and whether or not the church is able to overcome its fears and acknowledge that nether Scripture nor Tradition have anything to say against loving, comitted same-sex relationships.

In any case, what I'd most like to acknowledge in this posting is that my misguided pursuit of "perfection" not only did violence to myself but also, ironically, in the end wound up helping many people in my life to realize quite clearly that I am far from perfect. Thus, as I hear from time to time about friends and family members who feel hurt by or in disagreement with some of the choices I've made over the past few years all I can say is that I feel both regret for any pain I may have caused but also assurance that I have made the right decisions.

Ironically, given my past criteria, it seems to me now that life isn't so much about pleasing everyone as it is about doing what each of us sincerely in our conscience has concluded is right to do. For that reason, I wanted to use this posting to express my regret to anyone who feels hurt by my decisions - not to apologize for them in any way but rather to acknowledge that it was my misguided pursuit of "perfection" for so many years that set up situations in which people might feel hurt once I finally started making decisions based on who I really am.

To close, I'd like to share a brief meditation from the Buddhist tradition that's been helpful to me in wrapping my mind around some of these tensions and giving myself permission finally to be who I really am - with all my flaws and imperfections but also with my gifts, abilities and basic goodness that all of us share as human beings created in the image and likeness of God.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

"WILLING TO MAKE MISTAKES"
From "Outrageousness," a talk by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche taken from works published by Shambhala Publications, the Archive of his unpublished work in the Shambhala Archives, plus other published sources.
Given to the Directors of Shambhala Training, July 1978.

"The notion of being willing to make mistakes is just the general sense that you are no longer hopeful, that you are no longer hoping to achieve complete perfection. You are confronted with all kinds of factors -- poverty, biasedness, aggression, passion, and trying to measure yourself -- and all those situations are the opposite of being willing to make mistakes. You don't want to make mistakes; therefore you want to stick with you biasedness; you want to stick with your poverty. You want to make sure that everything goes right. ...You don't want to make mistakes; you are hoping for something good. Whereas if you abandon hope, you have no idea what you are going to get in your life. Still, whatever comes is within the context of warriorship in any case."

Mercifully Imperfect

Growing in my faith as a young person and wanting to serve God and others, one passage from Scripture that often stayed with me is the following excerpt from the Gospel of Matthew: "So be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect" (Matt 5:48; International Standard Version). Sincere in my desire to try to live up to the demands of the Gospel, I took this passage to mean that I literally had to be perfect - that I had to train, discipline and control myself to the extent that no one could ever find any fault in me. Most especially, I felt this meant that I would need to root out of myself what the church taught me were "disordered" feelings of attractions toward people of the same sex.

And so for many years I tried to do just that. I attempted to be perfect, serving God and others, hoping to please everyone to the greatest extent possible and trying to pretend that I was "normal" in my sexual attractions. However, about three years ago now I came to a point of rupture (grace is probably more accurate), when I simply could no longer uphold the illusion anymore. I was emotionally, spiritually, and even physically exhausted from the energy it was taking to try and be "perfect" and as I actually became physically ill I knew I could no longer sustain the effort. Something would have to give but I just wasn't sure what that could be.

Thanks be to God, it was at that point that I met several compassionate people who were able to help me realize that it's okay to be who I am. Being reminded that as a child of God I am created in God's image and likeness, I then realized that if that's really true and it is also true that my sexuality touches who I am to the very core of my being, it then follows logically that who I am at the core of my being (ie, someone for whom attraction toward intimacy of spirit, body, and soul with another man is a channel of creativity, vitality, and life-giving energy) is a reflection of God's image and therefore is good.

I think I understood this point logically and theoretically once I was reminded of it, but it took watching a movie (often for me a fruitful means of reflection) to finally understand it in a deeper way. The film is called Latter Days and just happened to be a movie some friends had rented and were watching when they invited me to join them. The film is the story of a Mormon missionary who also has a great deal of difficulty accepting himself until he finally awakens to the possibility of finding a love, both divine and human, that would accept him as he really is. Here is the film's trailer:



Sitting there, watching this film I felt a great deal of sympathy for the main characters and in a way knew that this too was my story being portrayed. Here was a story of others who, like me and in the words of one of the main characters, thought it would be better to be dead than to be gay but who in the end discover new life, hope, and purpose in finally accepting themselves.

In the end, I think the lesson I learned in my process of coming out to myself and finally accepting who I really am is that the perfection I was seeking was not at all what Jesus was talking about. As he says in a parallel passage from Luke's Gospel, "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Luke 6:36; International Standard Version). In other words, to aspire as human beings to be "perfect" is to miss the point entirely. God doesn't want us to be "perfect" in the sense of having no flaws or conforming without question to every rule and expectation leveled at us. Rather, God wants us to discover mercy in our lives - to wake up to the fact that life, love, humanity, and perhaps even God in God's self are not "perfect" or static or inert but rather beautifully mysterious, ineffable and beyond our ability to fully comprehend or grasp.

I am convinced that it's only when we realize this essential truth that we've begun to really know how amazing God actually is. In truth, it's only when we realize that God transcends the narrow strictures we sometimes try to place around reality that we are set free to begin on the path of authentic perfection - that is, on the journey of forgiving ourselves for not being perfect, sharing that same grace with others and then transforming our world little by little through the same mercy-filled perfection that is the gift Jesus calls us to receive in the Gospel.

Peace and blessings,

Padre Chuck

A New Day

Today is the first chance I've had to blog since a major event in my life last week. As I've shared in this space previously, I've been preparing since last year for my doctoral qualifying exams and finally came to the big day last Tuesday, May 12th. I'm very grateful to report that everything went well and I passed my exam! Of course there's still a long road of research and writing ahead but it does feel great to have made it past this phase of the process.

Today also represents a new beginning in that I am hoping to return to writing in this space more frequently, returning to some of the topics I've covered before and also sharing more personal reflections. As always, I look forward to sharing my thoughts, knowing that they represent my perspective - one that's perhaps at times in need of qualification or adjustment in dialogue with other view points but which is nonetheless also the fruit of a great deal of sincere prayer, thoughtfulness, and consideration on my part.

Many thanks to all who have followed my blog in the past and I look forward to continuing the dialogue together.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Another Beautiful Family

Today's video is a short clip about one of many couples married here in California last year whose civil rights were subsequently revoked through Proposition 8. As we await word from California's Supreme Court within the next few weeks my prayer is that no matter what the outcome more and more hearts might awaken to the truth that love is far more powerful a force than fear.

May God's Spirit free all those still living in fear of LGBT people and help them to see that all of us are created in the image of a God who wants us to love and be loved and to find happiness and peace in giving of ourselves for our families and friends.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

Save Me

Not much time to blog in these weeks with my upcoming exam but I did want to make a recommendation of an excellent film I saw recently. It's called Save Me and is the story of a young man battling both drug addiction and the homophobia that's also condemned him.

Although his initial step out of addiction comes through the help of a so-called "change ministry" (one of a number of religious groups that misguidedly attempt to alter individuals' sexual orientation), eventually he learns that healing, spirituality and self-acceptance need not be mutually exclusive categories in his life.

Among its many strengths, I think this film does a particularly good job of illustrating some of the complexities of the question of how to reconcile faith and one's personal identity. This is often not an easy task but, as the film shows, it is also one that rewards those who undertake it with sincerity, openness, honesty, and integrity.

Blessings,

Padre Chuck

Sharing Love

Although I'm entering into the last phase of preparations for my upcoming exam, I wanted to write just a brief reflection on everything that's happening in Mexico and in the world with the swine flu outbreak.

For me and I know for many others as well these events have reminded us of all the loved ones, family, and friends many of us have in Mexico, for whom we're sending out thoughts and prayers. Additionally, events like these also remind us of how precious life really is - each day is a gift, a time to be cherished, and an opportunity to find genuine peace and happiness in moving beyond ourselves into solidarity with others.

In my own life, I give thanks for family and friends both near and far. I also give thanks for the opportunity to be living in a way that accords with my conscience - serving in ministry and in marriage and no longer living in the closet and, in doing so, discovering anew each day God's goodness, compassion, and love.

Blessings and wishes of peace to all and especially for physical, emotional, and spiritual healing in our churches and places of worship and in our world.

Padre Chuck

United in Prayer

These past few weeks and months have felt very difficult and challenging it seems for so many people in our world. Economies are weakening, wars are threatening, and now there is significant concern about the new strain of flu spreading in Mexico and other parts of the world. As if that weren't enough, just this morning a strong earthquake was felt in Mexico City, frightening an already severely tried city and nation.

Although there's little concretely that most of us can do, it does strike me that at times like these we're reminded of what's most important in life and that life itself is a gift to be cherished each day. In that spirit, in the Spirit of goodness and compassion that unites us all, no matter what our differences, I offer my own prayers for Mexico and for our world this morning. I pray for peace and healing, for consolation and comfort, for an end to violence and disease and for renewed hope.

May this song to Our Lady of Guadalupe serve as a reminder of how we're all connected and that, despite the challenges we all face, we're surrounded by a love that's stronger than any fear, despair, or sadness and that is capable of leading us to a place of healing, renewal and rebirth in our lives and in our world.

Blessings and peace,

Padre Chuck

Fighting Hate

For today's entry I'd like to call attention to a reality that's still very much present even here in the U.S. - hate crimes against LGBT people. As this video from Judy Shepard, the mother of Matthew Shepard (a young man who was brutally murdered for being gay just over 10 years ago) shows, this issue is not going away and requires our action.

May God strengthen us all and help us to fight hate through non-violent action in our own families, communities, cities and countries.

Peace,

Padre Chuck

And God Became Flesh

Today's musical reflection, sung by soprano Kathleen Battle, comes from Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's Great Mass. It's one of the most beautiful settings ever written of the section of the Nicene Creed (one of several normative statements of Christian belief) in which those of us who are Christian proclaim our belief in the Incarnation - that God became flesh and dwelt among us.

For me this music has always meant a great deal, reminding me of God's love and the wonders of thinking that God could love us so much as to want to live in solidarity with us. However, there was always a certain part of this belief that I don't think I could ever quite fully accept - namely, that God might actually love and proclaim the goodness of my own human flesh, of my embodiedness, of my own experience of feeling attracted to people of the same sex.

For so long I thought Christ himself and many others could celebrate their bodies but that since I was somehow "disordered" I couldn't. However, thanks be to God, it is my firm belief and conviction that Christ broke through that self-hatred in me and finally enabled me to realize that there's nothing wrong with me. Indeed, because my attractions are part of who I am as someone made in the image and likeness of a God who cannot be bound by any of the categories or constructs we try to impose on reality, those attractions are therefore a manifestation of God's love and are good.

For that reason, I am deeply proud to profess again today the words of the Creed - that God became flesh and dwelt among us; that we have seen God's grace and truth living among us in Christ; that in our bodies, our souls, our minds, hearts, and spirits, the glory of God is indeed the human being fully alive.

As I also remember the fifth anniversary of my ordination this weekend, I do so with gratitude for this truth in which I believe - that God came among us as a human being and that we are each free to live the life we are called to by God. In my own life, I give thanks to God for my call to serve others and also love another person in marriage. At the same time I also wish peace, good will, freedom, blessings, and joy to all, whatever our individual callings may be.

With gratitude,
Padre Chuck

Separate is Not Equal

This video compilation in celebration of the recent Iowa Supreme Court ruling in favor of same-sex marriage is a fitting way to celebrate some recent good new in the fight for equality. Although there's still a long way to go, it's encouraging to see good news like this and also the recent decisions in Vermont and now possibly in New York as well. Although there's a lot that could be said here, I think it's best summed up by Rachel Maddow: "Separate is not equal"!

Peace,
Padre Chuck

Reconciling Faith and Identity

As someone who believes sincerely in God and at the same time knows that the language sometimes invoked in God's name against LGBT people is wrong, it feels at times like I'm caught in the middle. I want to affirm my faith and yet I'm persistently saddened by examples of Christians and other religious people who refuse to open their minds and hearts to the possibility that God just might love people as they are.

Thankfully, because I've had a good deal of theological education and experience in deepening my spiritual life, I've been able to find the resources I need to reconcile these two aspects of my life and find peace in loving and serving God and affirming my own identity. However, so many other LGBT people have not had those chances. So many live in fear and guilt, thinking they're somehow evil or disordered or that they can never have a relationship with God if they're true to who they are.

Sadly, few officials in many of our churches seem to realize this and the needless suffering and oppression of our own people continues. However, as this article on Christianity and Homosexuality shows, there are rays of light and hope out there. Wherever any of us may find ourselves, it is possible to stand up for our sisters and brothers and celebrate the beautiful diversity of God's creation.

May the Spirit of love touch each of us in this Easter season, help us to overcome our fears and ignorance and empower us to be instruments in letting those who are held captive - even in our churches and places of worship - go free.

Blessings,
Padre Chuck

Easter Sunday

Today Christians commemorate the Resurrection of Christ from the dead - a celebration of the triumph of life over death, of love over hate, of hope over despair. This Easter I feel very personally the power of the Resurrection in my own life. For many years I was afraid that that God could not love me if I admitted who I really am. I was scared of the truth and worried that others might somehow find out and reveal my secret.

Today, by contrast, I feel so very different. Granted, many challenges within our churches, places of worship and society in general still face those of us who have discovered it's okay to be who we really are. Still, what a difference, just knowing that I can live my vocation to ordained ministry and to marriage as well as my identity before God and do so in the context of support, encouragement, and solidarity from family, friends, and a supportive community. An amazing experience of the Resurrection, indeed!

Many blessings and good wishes to all for a very Happy Easter as we celebrate the gifts of new life, hope, and peace available to us in every moment from God.

Padre Chuck

Love Overcoming Borders

Today's reflection comes from a couple who are separated by great distances due to the injustice of current U.S. laws, which discriminate against same-sex couples and deny U.S. citizens many of their constitutional rights. May situations like these awaken more and more of us to the absurdity and injustice of denying to same-sex couples the right to commit to each other. Likewise, may the love these same couples show in spite of the obstacles placed before them inspire all of us to recommit ourselves to loving and caring for our our own families, loved ones and friends.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

The Right to Love

The couple in this video makes quite a compelling argument in favor of marriage equality. As they put it, how could some people presume to try and take away others' rights to marry and love another person and at the same time do nothing to support marriages that already exist?

In other words, how could two people's desire to commit to one another do anything but bring greater hope, peace, and stability to society? How could it possibly harm anyone else, other than potentially challenging their ingrained prejudices? As this family shows, loving same-sex couples are actually benefiting society through their love for their children. May God's Spirit awaken more of us to this truth and free us from the bonds of prejudice that still afflict so many minds and hearts.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

P.S. - The good news from Iowa this past week about the approval of marriage equality there is a hopeful sign, though the fight continues both there and throughout the country and the world.