What's At Stake

For today's reflection I'd like to share an excerpt from a recent editorial by Troy May, the editor of one of our local LGBT publications, On Magazine, here in the Bay Area. Although there's much that can be said about the ideas he shares, what stands out for me is the story he relates of what it's like for many LGBT people as we mature. Often we don't have clear role models and therefore both act out in unhealthy ways and feel that we need to hide who we are for fear of the misguided prejudices of society and some religious institutions.

Thankfully this situation is beginning gradually to change in our time. Marriage equality is a reality now in a number of countries and U.S. states and some churches and religious groups are starting to recognize the full dignity of LGBT people. However, whether we have this recognition and support or not, I think the crucial point both for ourselves and for the larger community (whether supportive or not) is that we will not back down. Whether or not we're recognized and receive justice we will continue to fight for equality. With or without the permission and blessing of religious groups or society we will build healthy, fulfilling lives that give back to the community and lend purpose and meaning to our own journeys.

This may sound a bit harsh but the reality is that even the gains we've made so far would never have happened unless those who've gone before us had had the courage to come out of the closet and stand up for what's right - often at the cost of their reputations, their standing in their families and religious traditions, and even their lives.

The price of staying in the closet and continuing to pretend is just too high - both for ourselves and others - in the toll it takes on our bodies, minds, and spirits. Now, for many of us (myself included) there are times when it's still prudent not to be fully "out," but insofar as we feel called to and our consciences direct us, it strikes me that the more willing we are to come out the more good we'll be able to accomplish both for ourselves and others. The more we affirm and celebrate who we really are the more others will have greater and greater difficulty denying that we're here, we're not going anywhere and we're ready to claim our birthright as beloved children of the God who has loved us into being.

Peace,
Padre Chuck

From Troy May (Editor, On Magazine)
May, 2009
www.onbayarea.com

Gay men are often jaded as they
grow older because of bad experiences
as young teenagers dealing with same-gender
attraction in a world filled with
homophobia. I can’t speak for women, but
for guys, many of us would sneak around
as teenagers, messing around with other
boys and never speaking a word about our
experiences.

Everything about our sexuality was
hush-hush, depriving us of experiencing
love and sex in an open environment like
most heterosexual teenagers. Instead, we
were scared to death to tell a soul that we
not only had an attraction for the same
gender but that we actually had acted on it.
Even our sex partners didn’t want to discuss
it, creating a feeling of loneliness which,
in my opinion, is one of the worse human
emotions.

During these key developmental years
our sexual dysfunction sets in, lasting into
adult life until we seek help to stop reliving
old patterns of sneaking around looking
for sex, feeling shame about our gayness,
and creating lives that lack emotional
attachment to one another.

There are so many of my gay brothers
that I want to hug, hold, and look in the
eye. Then I’d tell them they can have a
more fulfilling sexual and intimate life with
another person. But to do so they’ll need
to break away from dysfunctional patterns
and remember that today we have choices
we never had before to live open, safe, and
loving lives as gay men and women.

To love someone else we have to start
with working on ourselves, stop blaming
others, take an honest inventory of our
own hang-ups that are keeping us from
respectful relationships, get a good mental
health therapist, and start the hard work.
This process will dredge up old feelings
you’ve spent a lifetime ignoring. But, if you
stay the course and do the work, once you
reach the other side of what can be a nasty
trip over a putrid lake, you’ll be a much
happier person.